


What Mother Won't Know

by errantreality



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 00:46:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2793647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/errantreality/pseuds/errantreality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny keeps breaking the cardinal rule of being a TA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Mother Won't Know

"Don't get romantically involved with a student."

That was the first rule of being a TA. And by everything holy, Danny had tried. She'd managed just fine for a few weeks, smiling and nodding to that cute first year boy who flirted up a storm at every opportunity, but not reciprocating. She'd even controlled herself when a gorgeous girl with honey coloured eyes and a smile that could set the world on fire asked her out in the third week of class. And for a little while, Danny believed that she was doing a good job, keeping her work and her personal life separate. This TA thing was only because it would look good on her CV anyway. Sure, helping students gave her a strange satisfaction, and the way her professor nodded whenever she deflected a student with a silly question who would otherwise have gone straight to his office instead made her warm with pride at her own efforts, but really, this job was just because the more involved she was on campus, the more she had to show off at job interviews. 

And because it shut her mother up. Mrs Phoebe Lawrence, power lawyer extraordinaire, who was less than thrilled that her only daughter was majoring in English Literature. Just like she was less than thrilled about that time Danny tried out for the football team in high school, and made it, and sport began to take up Danny's extracurricular time. Just like she was less than thrilled about that time Danny had brought home a girl and introduced her as her girlfriend. Danny hated the disapproval that had plagued her ever since she was old enough to make her own life choices, and if this one thing made it ease back, just a little bit, she would latch onto it. 

But then there was Laura. Even if Danny did everything she could to adhere to her mother's standards, breaking the cardinal rule of being a TA would shatter everything. Because after a few weeks of keeping her hands off the students, even the persistent ones, she found herself face to face with Laura Hollis. And it wasn't love at first sight, more like a punch to the gut, one that Danny, breathless, came back for again and again. It was a slow start, Laura asking for help, genuine the first few times, then making things up just to stay close to Danny. Danny noticed and ignored it because she liked this familiar feeling, one she hadn't felt since high school and the first girl she ever loved smirked at her from across the hallway before later pulling her beneath the bleachers where hands and tongues wandered. This was the same anticipation, a thrill that started in the base of her spine and spread over her whole body. She was breaking the rule and didn't care.

She could hear her mother's voice on the topic.

"Danielle, this is unacceptable. These rules exist for a reason, and I will not have my daughter fraternising with students when she is not supposed to. Imagine the blight upon your transcript! Keep your hands in your pockets, your eyes front, and continue working towards our goals. Don't let a silly crush destroy what you've worked for."

Because apparently her life was a joint effort. This is exactly why Danny picked Silas, far away from her mother, who would never, ever board a plane and fly cross country just to visit. It was easier to ignore an email or a phone call than the presence of an overbearing mother hovering at your shoulder, judging every move you make. How was anyone supposed to grow into adulthood with a parent guiding them by the elbow? Her mother didn't understand Danny's need to forge herself from her own experiences, rather than ones passed down like ill fitting clothes. And most of all, Danny's mother didn't realise that her daughter's strongest trait came from her, a headstrong attitude and an ability to pursue dreams in the face of obstacles. After all, no one had believed Phoebe could become a lawyer. The same way she didn't believe Danny would really pursue a PhD in Literature and become a professor. The older woman didn't understand her daughter, for all they were alike.

So Danny didn't tell her mother about Laura and about the time she spent in the girl's small dorm room, more often than not with Laura's irritating roommate, Carmilla, making snarky comments in the background. She didn't tell her mother about the joy of the first few weeks. And she didn't tell her mother about the anger that refused to dissolve in her blood when she realised that Laura was moving onto someone else while she was trying to play by the rules. That stupid rule that was infuriating but perfectly reasonable. She didn’t tell her mother that she regretted not kissing Laura when she had the chance, and that watching the person you love fall in love with someone else is like a bullet would to the heart. And that watching yourself fall apart is worse than trying to put yourself back together.

And she didn’t tell her mother, at the end of the semester, when she crawled back home, her face scarred from a fight that she still had nightmares about, that it was worth it, even through the pain, because Carmilla had lived, and Laura was safe. And that even though her chest ached every time she thought about the two of them, safe and together, she was happy for them. 

"Don't get romantically involved with a student."

It was a reasonable rule. But emotion didn't always follow reason, and rules often collapsed to dust.

Which is why she also didn't tell mother that she'd met a boy whose smile made the ache recede just a little on the bad days, and whose fingers, when they intertwined with hers, drove the nightmares out from where they hid beneath her pillow. She didn't tell her mother that his kisses brought the universe a little bit closer, so she could feel it turning beneath her skin, or that with his arms around her, she felt like she could face anything, even a repeat of that awful night against the Dean.

And she definitely did not tell her mother that Kirsch was a frat boy.


End file.
